I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize