I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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