Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
