I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
