the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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