STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
