By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
