i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
