so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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