the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
