So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
