Soap is not a condiment
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
