Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize