The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
