the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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