I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
