You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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