I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
