Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
