are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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