i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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