bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
