Me too!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
