I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
