like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
