I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
