you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
