I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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