Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize