Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize