A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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