If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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