Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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