Kiss
Puke
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
