Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
