6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize