i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its not stalking. its research.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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