I got her a Nickelback box set.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
