Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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