pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I want to make a zoo with you.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Randomize
