i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
