You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
