like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
