I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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