whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
