at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
