I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
