go do what you do best...puke behind churches
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
why is half of my head shaved?
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