I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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