the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
