so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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