people are starting to question the shark bite story
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
