I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
