chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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