The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
