Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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