You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
