my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize