Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
