also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
