Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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