girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
