So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And then he peed in my hair
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