whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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