im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
