He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
That was before I lit my hair on fire
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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