That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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