Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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