I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
