You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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