we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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