Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
