I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
