Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
