Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
