Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize