I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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