dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
