mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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