So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
