yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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