i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
