Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
