omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
