If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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