I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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