He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so explain again why im purple
no
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
