The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
