My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
