So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
