I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
