I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
