a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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