Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
