So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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